Sunday, 27 November 2011

Shake it out!

"It's hard to dance with the devil on your back, so shake him off."

I have a theory that we all walk around with a bit of a screen, a filter around us. Censoring the world and protecting ourselves. Maintaining  a certain level of apathy, because if we truly felt everything, it would destroy us. 

And I think we have our most amazing revelations in the inbetweens of our lives. In the breaks between our train of thoughts. In the pause before the next task. 

So today, I was pausing. Sitting outside a friend's house waiting for her to rejoin me outside to enjoy the sun and continue the conversation.
And the song that was playing (in wonderful phone speaker quality no less) finished. And Florence Welch's beautifully melancholic voice began to sing. And in my moment of pause-y openness, I began to drink in her every word. 

I was left dumbfounded. This lady had surely either read my mind somehow from thousands of miles away in England or had managed to live my life since leaving school, then proceeded to write a song about it. This very song. 
Of course millisecond later, I acknowledged how silly the thought really was and I knew. I knew that this problem/issue/life stage/rut of mine. It was universal. Millions if not all people have dragged the proverbial horse around. Haven't we all had the devil on our backs? Been left empty by a mess that was so final? We've all run into suffer and run into hope. This woman described so many things "me" yet "not just me". And left me so tangibly optimistic.  

"I am done with my graceless heart. So tonight I'm going to cut it out and restart...
... It's always darkest before the dawn"
- Florence Welch

*Note: I know the word "tangibly" probably doesn't exist. I just felt like I needed it to be an adverb rather than a noun. Rules are meant to be broken after all! ;)

Friday, 25 November 2011

I am the Summertime

Before I moved to New Zealand, I couldn't ever understand, even imagine, the magic of an impending summer. I know, I know it's already summer. But officially it isn't. And I set a lot of store by all things "official".

So to the first of December I look. And until then, the ball of excitement in my belly continues to grow (or was that my large dinner?)...

Every year I dream that summer will be more wonderful then it probably ever turns out. But I don't care. Come next spring, the very same excitement and anticipation builds... And I dream of long sticky, humid days (a horrid thought for many, a fantasy for me) where the possibilities are endless.

Music festivals, jandals, minimal makeup, litres and litres of water, dancing for no particular reason (alright you got me there, I do this all year round however in summer it feels more natural/justified), Christmas, New Years... Ah the joys! The joys!

Let's hope December arrives before I spontaneously combust!

Kick off your shoes, the blues, the news, anything but your mind. 

Monday, 21 November 2011

Returning home

This song always conjures within me joy and nostalgia simultaneously. The Greek and Latin origin of the word nostalgia literally means to return home. Cool huh? That something could have an effect in you that memory alone can't. It's a feeling of returning home. 

[Oi Donna, go to sleep, you've stopped making sense! ... Good idea.] 

Sunday, 20 November 2011


"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"

 - Albert Einstein

If this is truly so, then I am absolutely certifiably insane. 

Do you find that sometimes, we as girls have a horrible thing about not being able to let things go? And I don't just mean tiny annoyances like people constantly forgetting to put the milk back into the fridge. I'm talking about those big things that we pursue although we know that it's it's not quite right. At least for the time being. Or anymore. 

Because we feel like everything else is already in place and we just need the one thing to just work out. And life without that thing is almost unfathomable. Unbearable. 

And so when you know without a doubt in your heart that that thing isn't right, we push that feeling down. Because it's the truth. And the conviction it'll give you to move on from that thing will only lead to that scary unfathomable, unbearable place. 

And then there's that stupid girl thing where we just have to be right. We have to try and prove that there was a reason we were doing all that stuff in the first place. A reason for the investment over months, years. We try and rationalise, construct reason around the situation. Give it the one last chance it didn't deserve. 

Why are we so insane? Why am I so insane?

Alanis, you told me that you live, you learn. I hope I'm learning

Friday, 11 November 2011

This is how much we love The Voice

Laws - little sister
Jabs - little brother

While watching X-Factor on a lazy Thursday night...

Jabs: "This guy reminds me of that gay dude from The Voice"

Me: "Oh sorry, I only remember the bald chicks. Who won anyway?"

Jabs: "That guy who sounds like a black Adam Lambert"

Laws: "Oh the one with the daughter?" 

So knowledgeable we are all things, The Voice. Yup. 

The black Adam Lambert. His last name is pronounced cologne though it looks like Colon by the way. You're welcome. 

Thursday, 3 November 2011

Things that are probably true...

... but are still hard to convince yourself are true:

1. Everything that's happened in your life has made you the person that you are. Wanting to go back in time is pointless. You can change from today.
2. Mistakes are a good thing.
3. Rock bottom makes for a good foundation.

... Sensing a pattern here? Indeed I'm stuck in one of those delightful things... What are they called? Oh yes, a rut. Seems 2011 has been one, big, fat rut. Bet you're glad to have stumbled across this blog today huh?

OK enough being an emo.

Things to cure stuck-in-a-rut-ness (if only for a while):

1. Keep busy.
2. Make lists/plans.
3. Eat better and get fresh air.
4. Create clean and organised surroundings.
5. Play with your kid.
6. Wear lipstick.

Any other suggestions?