In the last year I have...
- Lost a little bit of weight then gained it back
- Drank a bit too much and discovered that the aching loneliness and longing for something I didn't even want anymore demanded to be felt anyway. Whether I liked it or not.
- Stopped drinking too much and started chronic sober driver-ing.
- Started to realise that my Nutty took in and actually remembered the dumb explanations I gave her for the astonishingly eloquent questions she's started asking and realised that it well past time that I talked to my kid.
- Turned 26. And I didn't mind. I think I'm finally ready for this. Well... not ready. But ready to not be ready... If you know what I mean... You don't? .... Yeah... neither.
- Learned that getting even means nothing. I used to want to "teach people lessons" and show that no you cannot hurt me and not expect me to take a stab at inflicting pain myself. And yet, standing up for myself was still something I struggled to do.
I've learnt that dumb people will be dumb people... let them be.
And when necessary, to ask for what I need and even maybe have the nerve to expect it.
- Started dancing even without the allowance of inebriation. I've always been a dancer - not professionally of course nor particularly well at times - but a lover of the actioning of it. But you know that awkward mechanical feeling you feel before you get a few in you and you feel like someone's finally issued you with a release form to move? I've shed that now. I dance when I wanna dance. F*&^ it.
- Yet to finally quit that nasty habit of lighting up toxic (and at times I suppose, tobacco) filled sticks and inhaling, rinsing, repeating... But they've stopped being able to cure stressful days and I've stopped using them thus. Now if I could only stop using them at all...
- Aged a year.
I am dreading and looking forward to the rest of this year.
All I know though is if anyone -- ANYONE, asked me to live this year over again. I would bitch slap them.