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Monday, 6 October 2014

What I was up to in the last year

In the last year I have...

- Lost a little bit of weight then gained it back

- Drank a bit too much and discovered that the aching loneliness and longing for something I didn't even want anymore demanded to be felt anyway. Whether I liked it or not.

- Stopped drinking too much and started chronic sober driver-ing.

- Started to realise that my Nutty took in and actually remembered the dumb explanations I gave her for the astonishingly eloquent questions she's started asking and realised that it well past time that I talked to my kid.

- Turned 26. And I didn't mind. I think I'm finally ready for this. Well... not ready. But ready to not be ready... If you know what I mean... You don't? .... Yeah... neither.

- Learned that getting even means nothing. I used to want to "teach people lessons" and show that no you cannot hurt me and not expect me to take a stab at inflicting pain myself. And yet, standing up for myself was still something I struggled to do.
I've learnt that dumb people will be dumb people... let them be.
And when necessary, to ask for what I need and even maybe have the nerve to expect it.

- Started dancing even without the allowance of inebriation. I've always been a dancer - not professionally of course nor particularly well at times - but a lover of the actioning of it. But you know that awkward mechanical feeling you feel before you get a few in you and you feel like someone's finally issued you with a release form to move? I've shed that now. I dance when I wanna dance. F*&^ it.

 - Yet to finally quit that nasty habit of lighting up toxic (and at times I suppose, tobacco) filled sticks and inhaling, rinsing, repeating... But they've stopped being able to cure stressful days and I've stopped using them thus. Now if I could only stop using them at all...

- Aged a year.

I am dreading and looking forward to the rest of this year.
All I know though is if anyone -- ANYONE, asked me to live this year over again. I would bitch slap them.

Hard.

2 comments:

Bina said...

So ... wanna do that year again?? :) [duck]

Growing up is so hard. Except for that period between 55 and 65 where you have enough money and just enough health to enjoy life and be YOLO. At least, that's what I'm aiming and hoping for ...

lilidonna said...

Bina.... let's LIVE on cruise ships and drink only cocktails and read only Song of Ice and Fire books in that golden YOLO age k?